Friday 6 September 2013

Current feelings


I am currently taking a break for a couple of weeks before I start college mid-September. My last day at work was last Friday and I was so excited to spend the next couple of weeks chilling, taking time out for me, preparing myself for the next step in my life and literally doing nothing in general. I know it sounds sad but I was actually looking forward to things such as reading a new book, watching DVD’s and perhaps a box set or two, laying in and not having to set an alarm to wake up in the morning and just doing whatever the hell I want!

I shouldn’t complain but so far this week I have barely had time to sit down for a minute and be on my own! I have been so busy meeting friends, blogging, shopping, tidying, working out and I just can’t seem to stop. I’m feeling stressed and I don’t want to be feeling like this – I shouldn’t be! I should be feeling excited, greatful, happy… so many people would love to be in my position right now and I do appreciate the chance that I have been given but I think in a way I am over thinking and putting pressure on myself to do as much as I can in the days off that I have so that once my ‘break’ is over I don’t regret making the most of my time off.

Right now I feel like I just want to be on my own. My main problem is my mum. She is stressing me out so much, I need time away from that. I am a positive person, I always try to look on the bright side of things, see the best in people, get on with everybody and be happy. My mum is the complete opposite which is hard.

When I meet negative people I try to rise above the negativity and just get on with things – I don’t let others bring me down and I try to help that person see things in a better light and become more positive themselves – however when you live with someone who is so negative, so moody and un cooperative - and you have to spend a lot of time around them, walking on egg shells, it is unbelievably draining. After a while you grow tired of having to put up with it and frustrated at how much effort it takes to rise above the awkward atmospheres and negative vibes, it really stresses you out.

This is how I am feeling at the moment. I just can’t seem to escape it. I try so hard to get on with it and create a good mood in the house but when you are constantly making effort and getting nowhere it just makes you feel like giving up. It’s got to the point where I can’t even be alone with her because just being around her makes me feel feelings of stress and unhappiness – I can’t explain it because I don’t feel this way around anyone else. I have even snapped at my sister which I feel so bad for because she is like me best friend and we get on so well. All I know is I don’t want to feel like this so I try and distance myself from it as much as I can so that I can remain happy.

Luckily mum is due to go away for work a couple of days next week so hopefully this little break will be long enough for me to recover and take some time to build my positive levels back up! Haha. I’m sorry for this down hearted post – I don’t like to post things like this but it has literally gotten to the point where I need to write down how I feel just to get it out of my system.
 I keep reminding myself of this

On a happier note I have an eyebrow appointment this morning then I plan to have a wardrobe clear out once I’m home. I’m definitely in a clear-out kind of mood – I just want to get rid of all of the rubbish and un-necessary baggage in my life ready for a kind of fresh start! Tonight I am meeting up with some of my old work colleagues for Tapas and drinks which should be fun :-)

Happy Friday everyone!

Holly xx

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